A Girl...A Boy...

           Being a girl has its perks. One of the perks; we share everything. We tell everything to the other girl(best friend); be it our love life, our pet peeves or that jerk who just cut in front of us. For my case however, people who really know me, they would tell me their story. I rarely does so unless I can't take it anymore then out came the cat. Well, this story belongs to my cousin.          
           You see, she is in a long distance relationship. She loves him. He loves her. But like any other relationship; make that a long long courtship, this relationship has reach its steady state. It's not that they don't care anymore for one another. It's just that I dare say both of them knows that they love each other, so they will be there. But lately, my cousin felt she has been neglected. At first she tried to be understanding as the guy is busy with work and everything. However, sometimes that nagging feeling of being neglected creeps up on her. To her defense, the guy rarely calls her lately and even when she leaves him messages, there will be no response. Her mind and heart is at war right now.

   

Her brain says "be understanding, he is busy and he needs the free time to relax and chill with his friends." 

Her heart says, "why can't he spend a little time with her? She doesn't need talking all day long. 5-15 minutes a day would suffice. In a day, did he ever thought of her? Does he prefer to spend time with his friends and playing games? Then when he needs her then he'll call? or when she calls for him?"

         

          

          To add fuel to the fire, his attitude sometimes makes her questions his love. For example, sometimes when she is mad at him about something, all he has to say is "now, just go to sleep. You'll feel better when you wake up." According to her, it's like he doesn't want to be bothered by her irrational behaviour i.e. Getting mad or sulky. It's actually quite nice when a guy tries to comfort you and say nice thing to cool your anger down. But, lately he couldn't be bothered. 

         Sometimes, when she is down in the dumps and in need of some moral support (well to his defense, it is her own fault. who told her to do things at the last minute) all she get is "you should have done it earlier. No use being stress or angry now." Well, first rule of boyfriend/girlfriend. When your bf/gf is down in the dumps even if the incident that leads to being depressed is their own fault, ALWAYS ALWAYS TRY TO COMFORT THEM AND COOL THEM FIRST. When they have cool down, then only you let them know what they did wrong. When  you're down, you don't need another person to tell you its your own fault. Despite it may or may not work, the effort of comforting your gf/bf who is depressed kinda cool them down a bit. 

          All I can say is probably the guy is busy with his work and tired at those times. Deep down she knows he loves her. But, there is this nagging feeling that maybe just maybe that love is not how it used to be. This feeling sometimes lead to awkwardness when they eventually contacted each other. Mainly from the girl side. When she feels she is being rejected, she'll just shut down and shy away. Then, this will lead to awkward silence when he calls her. He'll end up playing video game and she will just shut down and pretend it did not affect her. 

         She sometimes feel that she should do the same thing to him. Don't be bothered to contact him and just see how long would it took for him to call her. That is like giving up, which she did not dare to do cause all I know is, deep down she would be devastated and crush if things fall apart between the both of them. In her words, it would be like a lonely girl losing her one and only best friend. Only time would tell how this story will progress. Hopefully it would lead to a happy ending. 

I believe this picture says it all.......

Especially For You

          Every one of us have battles that either lies within us or externally. Man I think are build that way. That is what makes us human in the first place. Besides how monotonous it would be if we just have highs all the time. 24/7 in hyper mode...For example, let's take today. My friend invited me to go for a swim. At 2 I decided to take a short nap and amazingly I wake up at 3pm. But I kind of feel lazy to move so I stay in bed for 30 minutes. At that moment I am ready to be my lazy self and just fall back to sleep. Suddenly my friend text me. I end up going for a swim actually and I really glad I did. I didn't know how to swim but now I can float and move a bit. However, some people have a more pressing battle/dilemma at hand. For example regarding their studies.....


           Honestly, I am not really a believer of words of encouragement from external sources. All my life I believe if you work hard, you'll get what you want or close to your goal. So far, I've never asked for encouragement from others and if I am in the dumps I just keep it to myself. It doesn't work that much that is. But, when I met you, having you close makes things easier. You encourage me and believe in me. It makes me believe I can do it. Not that I am retracting my opinion earlier. Its just that, in this case, your word of encouragement makes me start to work for my goal. Then all the way to the end, its me and Allah. But knowing deep down you're there for me is quite an incentive. 


            I am not good with encouragement. Sometimes I feel that my voice annoys people. It gets to me sometimes but you'll learn to move away from those people. So I choose to dedicate a post for you. 


            I know this is a challenging semester for you. And I kept on bragging that "oo, I've been doing it for four years now. 18 credit hours. Nothing much." Truth be told it is challenging. Along the road I've fail and get depressed and lose my direction. But trust me, you'll fair better than me. I've seen you at work and at your best. When you set your mind at something, you work for it. This is the last mile and the most challenging one. With Allah blessing, you'll even pass with flying colours. I also want to apologize because it is unfair for me to compare myself to you. My semesters are shorter than yours. Thus my syllabus are adjusted to fit into the time slot. Some topics are left out and all of that. 

ALL I CAN SAY IS, YOU CAN DO IT. I BELIEVE IN YOU NOT  ONLY BECAUSE YOU'RE SPECIAL TO ME BUT BECAUSE I'VE SEEN YOUR ABILITY AND YOUR POTENTIAL. YOU CAN DO IT AWAK. THIS IS NOT MUCH BUT I HOPE IT HELPED YOU THIS SEMESTER EVEN THAT HELP IS AS SMALL AS A NEEDLE HOLE. KEEP FOCUS AND MARCH HEAD ON.......

i post it here because we hardly talk lately...

both are busy...

hope can talk to you soon...

you are my superboy...3rd after my dad and mum...:P

all the best and HWAITING!!!!

IMAGINATION IS FUN!!!!

Something crossed my mind while I was scanning through my vibrations notes. I got a quiz tomorrow but with a runny nose and a weather so hot your cheeks are burning, an imaginative mind tends to wander....
                        When we were little kids, we were always asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" For myself, I still remember answering I want to be a teacher. Well that's that. Just a few minutes ago, I was squeezing every neurons I got to understand what the heck is equivalent stiffness. I think the reason I want to be a teacher before was because that is the only profession I know. Yes, my mum is a nurse but surprisingly from an early age I don't want to be a nurse or a doctor.
                       But again, this question I never really stop thinking about it. True to human nature, when we have something, it is never enough. We want more. Truth be told, from my point of view, sometimes I am unhappy with my life. Not that I am depressed or anything. It's just that there are aspects of my life I wished was better. Don't we all. From this feeling of inadequacy I started to imagine what would it be like if I were to live as a different version of myself...Some of these versions are.....

1. I am a super spy... I know I know...For people who knows me this is a little bit far fetched. But hey that is what imagination are for. As a super spy, I have agility, speed and strength. I am also cunning, cold and complicated deep inside. I have a lot of admirers (professionally) due to my skills and notoriety. I live alone and I have a dark past which cause me to be who I am. My inspiration is mostly derived from the character of Black Widow...AWEHHSOMMEEE!!!!

2. I am a part of 5 person team of con artists...This is a homage to the show LEVERAGE....Damn the show is good...In that show the characters are the mastermind, grifter, thief, hitter and hacker..Out of this five, the character I would really love to be is the hitter and the thief...The hitter because well Eliot's fight scenes are to die for in the series and the thief cause well the thief in the series...PARKER!!!! have these sets of traits that are really awesome like flexibility, swiftness and so on....

3. I am a respected and highly recommended engineer. Well, this is what I am striving to be. Not that far from my current goals. This version is more to me imagining how my whole life would be if I were to be one. that includes, single at 40, got lots of money and connection, moderate size house; well I live alone, and having a big house would be just darn scary...rarely at home cause I travel all the time..and all my sister and brothers are married...excluding me...I think I can live with that...I'll bought a cat...:)

4.I am a commoner turn princess...Okay, this is just for imagination and fun sake...Tell me which girl do not one to be a princess?? Every girl since the day they were born it was seared in their heads that you are a princess...As they grow up their fantasy of a princess evolved...some like girly princess like cinderella and stuff; some like a princess with a little bit more edge...they found a prince went head to head with him cause she is not the kind of princess that wait to be rescued and all those stuff...Besides, as my defense I was thinking of writing a short story and using the princess as a theme but I never got to it though...Don't know why....:P   In this version, I was two princess...

a) I married a Filipino Prince...I know there are no such stuff but this was induced when I become fan girl of a Filipino actor...Dieter Ocampo...I imagine he was the prince...We met while he worked at an oil rig with me...(I am an engineer originally before I met him)...I didn't know he was a prince...but we strike up a relationship anyway...When I know his real identity, I feel betrayed and all those stuff...But in the end we got married. But he died young(10 years after our marriage;assassinated by left wings) and I was left to steer the country to stability. We have two kids a girl and a boy and in the end I become the beloved ruler of that country....

b) I am a disgraced Chinese princess who were married to a prince at a young age then exiled when my father was accused of initiating a coup. After a few years I enter my teen hood and I met again with the prince and our love reconnects. I imagined this story while I realize how cute Wong Lee Hom is...:P and of course Wong Lee Hom is the prince..:P

*DELUSIONAL MUCH*

5. I am a soldier...Well I imagined what would be like if I were a soldier. At one point I imagined my self to be a soldier in an elite team like the navy seals...I even imagined that my rank is a commando...The truth is I admired soldier and respected them. They live by a code and are ready to sacrifice everything for their country. Not many people can do what they do. I can't do it.. I am easily conflicted with guilt when it comes to certain things and I am a bit of a free bird...I don't really like to be told what to do...so authority may pose some problem for me...Not to mention I sucked at shooting...tried paintball once...It was disastrous...

So far, these are the versions of myself I imagine. Some of it are delusional and some well, if some of my actions were different before it may happen it may not...Whatever it is...These versions are just for fun..I like to imagine and be creative and think WHAT IF??? before I went to bed...Its one way to relax your mind and practice your imagination....:)
at the end of the day....I will be whoever I decide to be...:)

*IMAGINATION IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN KNOWLEDGE*

-ALBERT EINSTEIN-

im annoying, ur annoying...fair game...

               AAAA....the beauty of coupling...or the beginning of it at least...i just came back from an outing with bunch of my friends...just a normal outing...go to some place...eat eat eat...roam around...eat eat eat again....watch movies...then eat eat eat again...then head back for campus...

              You may wonder why out of a sudden I begin with the word coupling??? Well, in that bunch of friends, we have a blossoming couple. Both liked each other but I think, the guy haven't said anything yet and the girl well is waiting for that confession and is torn between wanting to be with him or not. They are moving in the right direction. They are comfortable with each other which is important. There are some things they did though which for outsiders looking in creates a gag inducing reflex. However, from my point of view..all I can think of is...damn...that's how nauseating I was before???

*face palm* 

              At the first stage when you like somebody, your body is filled with love hormones. You see all the good things in that person. Your time is occupied with spending some quality time with that person. All you can think of is that one person (how annoying...:P)...I think this is the carnal joy of being in a relationship. The first stage is the sparks and fireworks phase. This stage is fun but tiring at the same time...Even seeing pictures taken during this stage makes you happy. It serves as a reminder of the anxiety and excitement you felt. You were about to embark on an experience that you have never experienced before. Well that was years ago...

               Let's fast forward to the present stage shall we...this present stage is a stage I like to call the "old married couple" phase. In this phase, you have been in the relationship for quite some time....long time....you still love and care for each other..you know that yourself but you are too lazy to show it..the relationship just follows the flow...when one side try to create an atmosphere of lovey dovey the other side just doesn't reciprocate and just ignores it..various factor may influence this stage...for example long distance, too busy and many more...This phase sometimes can be dangerous as a little crack in the relationship may destroy it...why?? they just give up the fight for each other...

              Oh well, whatever...both phase has its own pros and cons...which phase you like is definitely up to you...there are more phases actually but I am too lazy to elaborate all..all i feel like doing right now is snuggle up under my blanket and just finish my sherlock holmes volume 1 series story book. 

Who cares...Tonight I am own my own..No disturbance..I don't bother you and you don't bother me.

Adiosa Samosa

INTERNSHIP..."SIGH"

          It has been a while since my last post. The last time I posted something on this blog, I was busy with my finals and screaming "ITS HOLIDAY!!!I'M FREE!!!". Now I am in the middle leg of my third year. I am less busy this semester, I think...although I am busy preparing for my internship. When I say busy here it means busy worrying and getting anxious out of my guts. 
         
          So far, I have completed my studies two and a half years out of my four years requirement. In October I will be heading for my internship. Remember when you first enter your university, you feel like you could conquer the world?? Well, here I am, about to step into the real world in a few months, I am scared out of my guts. Reason? Simple, I AM NOT READY. In my first year, I was determined to prove to others and myself that I am not a sore loser. When I enter my 2nd year, I got a bit lost. Lost and stress and just plain miserable. It reflected on my results. 


           Now in my third year, I still feel slightly lost. The one big question I still do not know the answer till now is "WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?" Yes, I can answer I am an engineering student. I am going to be an engineer. But when somebody ask me what is it that I want to do, my mind race to find the answer but I can't really pick point what I want. Yes I have interests. However, these interests are general. 


           I am no genius. Even for geniuses engineering is a demanding field. All my life I have learned, now I must apply. That is the second problem. CAN I APPLY WHAT I KNOW WHEN THE TIME DEMANDS IT??? Lately I noticed how much I settled. I give up easily and do what is necessary instead of giving extra effort. I ALWAYS GIVE EXTRA EFFORT. It is sad really because I know I can do better than what I have outputting for this one year and a half. 


           Now also I have the issue of confidence. WHY I SHRUNK WHEN I NEED TO BE CONFIDENT???? I am actually an introverted person who is shy deep down. Years I have trained myself to get out of that shell and just make a mark on this world. Somehow I manage to do so. But now the more situation demands me to take action and be vocal, I shut down. I don't feel the need to fight to get what I need. Most of the time I just let go and ride the flow. Now when I do fight for something, its something not worth fighting for...

I KNOW WHAT MY PROBLEMS ARE. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BREAK OUT OF IT. MY PROBLEM HAS BECOME MY HABIT AND ITS HARD TO BREAK OFF OF IT. IF YOU ARE IN MY POSITION, WHAT WOULD YOU DO????

Finally It Is OVER!!!

Oikh!!! Oikh!!!

How long have it been since my last post? Suffice to say it has been quite a while since I filled the internet with my rant. Oh well, here are some quick updates...

1. My ETP is over. I did not enter SEDEX...Thank god...If I was selected, I'll be crying myself to sleep every night.
2. I almost got barred from a subject due to inconsistent lecture attendance.
3. I still have a lot of work.
4. I'm hooked on The Big Bang Theory.
5. I'm getting chubbier.
6. I want to go out and watch a movie.
7. I want to eat sushi.
8. I am into this song for now....enjoy...:)

credit to YouTube and Wiz Khalifa

Don't Worry...This is a short post...:P

Oikh!!! Oikh!!!

Hey everybody...its been a while since my last post. Well as the picture suggest, I AM SWAMPED. Something interesting happened tonight. I just got the big picture of how busy I am going to be this semester. There will be 14 weeks for this semester and week 5 had just passed. WOW! I've basically WASTE 5 WEEKS doing mostly nothing and getting emotional. HAHAHA...the 4 months holiday surely made me crave for some stress and school work but definitely did not prepare me for the workload to come....

Right now I am feeling a little bit insecure and daunted. But oh well, when you are backed up at a corner all you can do is FIGHT TILL YOU GET OUT OF THE CORNER. So, that is what I am planning and going to do. Now I need is a BOYFRIEND name WILLPOWER to keep me energize and going. 

Anyway it is 1: 34 as of me typing the time in. SERIOUSLY, WHILE I WAS TYPING I HONESTLY FEEL THAT THE PICTURE WAS MOVING LIKE SOME KIND OF OPTICAL ILLUSION. So, that's my Q to sleep ladies and gentleman. Good night and pleasant dream everybody!!!

ADIOSA SAMOSA!!!!

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island

Oikh!!! Oikh!!!

As promise, this is the review of Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. 

Casts: The Rock (Dwayne Johnson), Josh Hutcherson (from the first movie), Vanessa Hudgens, Luiz Guzman and Michael Caine. These are the main stars.

Storyline: Basically this story is set years ahead of the first story. The spark for this story is based on the Jules Verne story The mysterious Island. The kid, Sean is trying to locate his grandfather thought to have been lost at the island. Once reaching the island, they face many adventures as well as mending relationships along the way. 

Verdict: Didn't love it Didn't hate it either. So-so. 

Reasons: 

1. The story line for me is not that strong. It is not that memorable nor hateful. 
2. The Rock acting as a loving and concern father figure to Sean is a bit stiff. He is soo big in the movie that it is scary seeing him smiling at you through the big screen. I like him more as that hardcore kick ass action star. One of his performance that I prefer is in Fast and the Furious 5: Rio Heist. I like him in that. Probably need to improve on the acting a bit. Action hands down, I'll choose The Rock. XD
3. There were quite some cheesy moments in this movie that for me really make me go...UGHH!!!
4. The CG in this movie is quite awesome I have to say. They did a great job on the special effects. 
5. Lastly, the only thing that I think make this movie worth watching till the end is the character Gabato (Luiz Guzman). He is really funny in the movie. Almost every appearance he makes made me laugh my guts out. If I would promote you to watch this movie, my only reason would be to watch LUIZ GUZMAN'S performance. 

I guess that's all for now. A simple review for a simple movie. Adiosa Samosa!!!

Forever Alone-True Story

Oikh!!! Oikh!!!

     Yesterday, I went to the lake with a friend. We have been on a short break for 5 days so I decided to get some fresh air yesterday. While sitting at a bench admiring the evening, my friend suddenly told me about her latest problem. It started something like this...

"You know I've been with roommate with B for a while right?"

"Ya"

"Next week I am changing my roommate."

"Why? You guys are the same year right? She's going for early internship?"

"Nah. She requested to change room."

...

"Remember I told you about that big fight? After that she decided to switch room. I guess it's part of my fault too. We were close before practically like sisters; we do everything together. Both B and I started at the same time and then we come from the same state as well, the bond is already there. But, last semester, she befriended these bunch of friends and I sort of feel neglected. I got frustrated at her. Just imagine we always went shopping together then suddenly she prefers going out with them. It hurt me but I can't tell her and risk being perceived as clingy. The worst thing is, I don't have many friends. Last semester, I really felt lonely."

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

"Dude, I seen how stress you were last year with projects and everything. I think without getting a help from you, you would instead give me a slap at the back of the head and ask me to move on."

...flashing a frail smile...

"But, I think it is for the best. I need to branch out anyway. More friends less alone time." 

"Weh, I am not that mean ok? If you told me last sem you were in a rut, I would have help you. Never think you're alone. It's depressing and this freaking place has a lot of suicide potential area."

"Ya, ya I know."

A Very Long Post On What I Did Yesterday. DON'T READ CAUSE IT MAY BORE YOU.

Oikh!!! Oikh!!!

5/2/2012; 630 am...

I slip at the stairs while on the way down to do the laundry. I land at the curb of the stairs; direct impact.  Damn my buttocks hurts. Now I have bruises on my buttocks, blue ones and it ain't easy sitting down with a bruise buttocks ladies and gentleman. I dare say the morning started not exactly the way I wanted it to be however, I finish 70% the things I intended to do. For the rest of the mornings, I did pretty much mundane daily activities such as laundry, cleaning the kitty poo in front of my doors; you know ordinary stuff. Oh yes I forgot to mention about this kitten. I did upload the photo on my Facebook page to whoever wants to see that little devil's face. Yesterday morning it amps up the pooping business. He went and poop in front of our room. My roommate was pissed and cleaned it off. As the house was starting to stink with pee and poop we both decided its best to just cleaned up the poop and get on with our merry lives. The funny thing is somehow I think the kitten knows that we were angry that he poops in front of our room and he did not show his face to us at all yesterday. Good kitty. He knows that it is best to run when two angry chicks are holding a bucket of water. To whoever lives on the second, first and ground floor who may or may not have been drench by the water we use to clean the corridor of our house please forgive us. KITTEN POOPS TRIUMPHS OVER HUMAN ANYTIME. Unless you stink worst than poop.

5/2/2012; 1000 am...

So once the poop business was done, I settled into my desk, desperately motivating myself to finish my ETP business. I was feeling demotivated and frustrated. Thus to get out of my rut, I enlisted a help of a friend to discuss with me the possible ways of creating and invention of some sorts. At first we were chatting about ETP. Then a few minutes passed, we end up talking about going to Jusco Kinta City. You see Jusco is a mall in Ipoh. We have been planning to go out to Ipoh and waste our time there(as if time wasn't precious enough) since we were on 5 day break. But we kept on canceling the plan because it was hard getting rented car on holidays especially long ones and the renting could cause a dent in your pocket. But this time I just don't give a damn about it anymore. All I know is my objective; I am getting out of UTP today getting out is exactly what we did. My friend called the rent car company and rented a Kenari for us. The plan was to go out, shop, eat and forget about ETP for a while. 

5/2/2012; 1200 am...

The promise was 12 am, so at 1205 I went down and waited for the car rental guy to pick us up at the cafe. The trend is with these rental car companies, you promised them at 12 they will pick you up at 1230. But since my friends were already waiting for me I just went down anyway and waited for like 35 minutes for the guy to fetch us. This rental car company I have never used before. It was my first time. So once we got into the car damn the dude's driving really pisses me off. I was having a bad butt day and he was driving like a maniac; swinging at every curved and speeding at every bump in the road. I felt like yelling at the guy and kicking him in the groin. But thank god I held it in and we finally arrived at their office; well their house. Their office was located at the housing just behind ESSO. My alarm sensor went full swing and I felt very uncomfortable going to office that is located at a housing area. But, nothing happened although I have marked their company as never to rent at this place again cause they just give bad vibe, service and their car are not taken care off really well. Once the deal was sealed, we were off to JUSCO. 

5/2/2012; 200 pm-1200 pm...

We reach JUSCO at around 2 pm. The main purpose, eat as much as you can and watch movies. But, there were a lot of people in JUSCO and finding parking was an adventure of its own. We spend like one hour roaming the parking lots and finally found one. Then the conquest began.

Mission 1: EAT, EAT, EAT....

1. sushi king-i have never tried sushi king before but boy I am satisfied. I have not been eating rice for the past few afternoons and I think my tummy got quite a shock when rice was coming in. A delightful shock. 

2. Black Canyon-this was also another restaurant that I have never tried before. We actually wanted to go Coffee Bean but it was packed so we just settled for this place. I drank iced cappuccino and ordered spring rolls. I was still full from all the rice actually but it just doesn't feel right ordering only drinks. We sat there for like one hour just to pass time. 

Mission 2: SHOP, SHOP, SHOP...

For the shopping mission, unfortunately, I didn't shop as my heart desire. Good thing too cause now I know I can control myself. :P. The things I bought were some socks, some groceries and of course story books cause I need to use my 1 Malaysia Voucher. Surely once I have finish reading the story books I'll right a review about it. 

Mission 3: MOVIE, MOVIE, MOVIE...

For the movies, we watched Journey 2: Mysterious Island. It stars The Rock and Vanessa Hudgens. There are other stars as well but I didn't quite get their names. The verdict? I'll write it in another post. This post is long already even on its own. I would have chosen to watch Underworld or Chronicle but that is the only movie available. I am an action movie fan. Especially if the hero is a hot butt kicking chick or there is bad ass robot involved or just plain punching and kicking. I am a sucker for those. We should have  bought the ticket first but our tummy wanted to be fed so most of the seats were full and we settled for second row. Our movie were at 915 pm. Before the movies we got like 5 hours to kill. But, mission accomplished and we did watched a movie. 

TOTAL COST of the day: RM147.45

I'm broke but I'm happy. :) :) :) :) :)

Adiosa Samosa!!!!

Just An Update

Oikh!!! Oikh!!!

     It has been a while since my last post. I have been very busy with school and stuff and most of the time I just don't feel like writing anything. So far, it's only the second week of the semester but I have been feeling the heat. This semester I am having my ETP short for Engineering Team Project. It's a project where students from different engineering field come together and come up with an invention of sort. My supervisor is a Prof Dr....He is a freaking Dr and then a Prof. I know it is only a label but still it will intimidate you when you know how much is at stake here. So far, I am dried out of ideas and clueless as what to do next. Don't get me wrong, we have ideas but it is either already made in the market or we don't find much information about it to go with. 

      Now I am having my 5 days holidays cause of Maulud Nabi and Thaipusam. It has been three days so far and all I did was stuck at my desk reading articles about robotic arms, sensors and stuff. Now, it's midnight and it is getting frustrating when you are getting nowhere. To makes matters worst, we were supposed to email our sv information about our project today and most of us has hand in none. Besides, most of our group members have gone home. I am not stressed out yet, just worried. But, I guess I'll just proceed on tomorrow and hopefully I get something better. 

        For those of you wondering why I uploaded a picture of a cat sleeping, well this little kitten is my bodyguard. He (I think he is a dude cause he is fiesty) sleeps in front of our room. It all began because I pitied the kitten when it was wailing outside at the porch. The night was cold and somehow I was scared that it might be cold so my room mate and I prepare a piece of cloth for it to lie on. But, somehow he wants to stay in our house. Just a few hours ago he was trying to get into our room for God knows what reason. It's cute but so far it has poop and peed in front of our house. I tried to put it out of the house but he always sneak back in. Now our front door reeks of shit and pee smell. Hurrmmm...any idea what to do? It's just a kitten but man the shit stinks....zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Adiosa Samosa!!!

A Review So Far

Oikh!!! Oikh!!!

     It has been a while since my last blog update. Please forgive me for that. I was busy settling down in my university and besides this past few days have not been the easiest and most pleasant day of my life. Well, I am here not to talk about the bad things that happened to me while settling in. What I am going to touch about is family and friends.

      So far I was on a holiday for almost four months. Four months break from everything that is related to my university, friends, stress, expectations, anxiety and all those stuff in between. All I did was stay at home and spend most of my time with my family. Honest to god, I missed it. Almost 8 months straight with little break in between  semester; I know I was bound for a breakdown. Everything bad that comes from that last semester was my own fault. I let all the bad things spiral out of control and in the end I end up stressed out. In the midst of it all, I forget one thing I could count on; my family. I always have this mindset that, not involving my parents with the problem I am facing is somewhat protecting them from worrying about me. Besides, what can they do from afar? Well, this four months taught me a different lesson. When I am in the comfort of my home and my family, I feel happy, no anxiety, no worrying about something uncertain like I always did when in the university. I don't worry because I know they will be there for me. Despite doing a bit poorly on my exams, I don't worry that much and I said 'oh well, next time we'll do better.' If I was alone looking at my results I would over-analyze it to the point of craziness. I guess that is the power of family. 

     Another thing that I noticed was I've gotten really close to my younger brother. He is starting in secondary school now. I was close to him before but this four months I tried my best to guide him and constantly let him know that if he needs me I will be there. I think I was showing him that to a point of hovering him. The thing is the morning I was about to leave for college, he was teasing me, hitting me and taunting to wrestle me. You see that is what we always did. We like to taunt and tease each other sometimes to the point of wrestling. I know I am older and bigger than him but trust me he is darn strong. That morning somehow he was squeezing one last tease until I come back for my semester holiday. Until that moment, I felt sad that I am leaving but the moment he did that, I was about to burst into tears. Thank god I held it in. I always have a soft spot for my younger brother in my heart. Even though he is already into his teens, he still looks at things with the innocence of a child. Stepping into teen hood; a treacherous zone, I hope he doesn't get lost between maintaining his sweetness and innocence. 

      As for friends, this semester, I start anew. I forgets everything that has happened in the past and make an effort not to dwell on petty matters. My roommate and I so far has been on good terms. She is more understanding and I myself is trying to be understanding and not get under her skin. Hopefully what ever the challenges this year brings; I would be able to tackle it and not leave scars all over the place.

p/s: the other night, I can't sleep so I downloaded this software called Picasa. You can edit your photo with it and stuff. So, out of boredom, I create a mosaic of some sorts the picture of my little brother and his 4 nieces and nephews. Once I have finished, I set it as my desktop background. But then a few minutes later, I change them. Why? It makes me miss them even more. I guess I am not that ready yet to look at their picture and not miss them that much. That night, I went to bed teary eyed and silently sobbing until finally I fell asleep....

Cupcake Disaster

                   

 

Oikh!!! Oikh!!!

     Hello Everybodeh!!! Like I promise I am updating you on what I did this week. This week I actually did a lot of baking. Probably because I am damn bored sitting around doing nothing. So, first of all I baked some cupcakes. I am not really a fan of eating cupcakes. I like them because people make them so pretty. Whenever I see a cupcake I always asked myself "Can I keep it instead of eating it?". This was my third attempt at baking cupcakes. The first and second trials went so so. As for this trial, oh well lets just say I HATE IT!!!

      The recipe for the base, I decided to use Jaffa Chocolate Cake. I follow the recipe in a cook book. One thing about me baking, if I just tried the recipe, I will do it by the book, see how it goes and adjust from there. Another thing is I like baking alone. I don't like people meddling with my mix telling me I'm slow and what not. Unless if the jobs are divided accordingly and nobody sticks their nose into others tasks. So, while I was baking this cupcake, 2 of these things happened. Somebody messed with my batter just because I was too slow. So in the end I just let that person mix my batter and I just sit out and waited for my turn to bake it in the oven. My mood was dampened and that was all that cupcake need to be screwed up. 

       Secondly, when the cupcake was cooking, it rises beautifully but then again once I took it out of the oven, it sunk and look horrible. The reason that may cause this was probably because the mix was not mix evenly. This is also one of the reasons why I never wanted anybody to disturb me while I was baking. Too many hands in the kitchen can cause troubles sometimes. The funny thing was, seeing the cupcake did not turned out to be what I had expected makes me so sad. So, after that I just proceed on with baking the batter because I have to. 

         Next, decorating the cupcake. The initial idea was to make a nice swirl on top of it using cloated cream made using whipping cream both dairy and non dairy. However, it didn't turned out the way I had expected. The first mistake was I never dealt with whip cream before and now I know that whip cream can be quite a b****. First batch of whipping cream I whip, I use the wrong mixer speed and it didn't work. After that, on the second trial, I succeed in turning those creams into clotted cream. But, the weather was not on my side. It was so hot that evening and the cream kind of liquefied a bit. Thus, in a frail attempt to make it unliquefied again, I put it back into the mixer and whisk it again. Wrong move cause a few seconds in it, the cream disintegrate. There goes my cupcakes. I only managed to make two swirls as shown above. Then to lift my spirits, I decided to make chocolate ganache and dib the cupcake top into it. Alhamdulillah, nothing bad happened during that attempt. The outcome is on the second picture. 

           Last but not least, here are my solemn vows. I will try my best to avoid making cupcakes again because I didn't like it as much as I enjoyed decorating it. Secondly, my family doesn't really like cupcakes. They like real cakes. In the end, that was my cupcake disaster. I've learnt my lessons, unfortunately the hard way.

p/s: I forgot to mention about the chocolate cake recipe. The recipe contained some orange zest to it. I am not exactly that crazy about it but it's fine I guess. Secondly, the cupcake was baked too dry thus when you eat it, the dryness left an unappealing taste in your mouth. Last but not least, to amateur bakers out there, if you are making chocolate cakes, try to avoid using cocoa because from past experiences, it usually dries out the cake when it is baked. However, if you use melted chocolate instead, it gives that chocolatey and fudgy texture that I believe most people loved. 

Adiosa Samosa!!!

Horrible People

Oikh!!! Oikh!!!

    Good evening everybody. Today is Friday. It is the end of working days. So I figure I just round up what I did this week. But before that, in Malaysia right now people are gearing up for Chinese New Year. It is the year of the water dragon if I am not mistaken. During this festive season is also when it is most pact. With every supermarket known to man and woman reducing their price and posting up the sale banner. Usually during this festive season is when you get the best of man. Somehow it does not apply to one man. A man I am about to b**** about. Cursing for this occasion is allowed. Oh well lets start b****in. 

     This event occurs just shy of 2 to 3 hours ago. I was picking up my brother from school. As per usual, the roads were congested with eager and tired parents trying to identify their sons or daughters in the midst of it all. Not to help matters they is a supermarket next to the school. One of the many supermarkets that is having a sale during this festive season. So, once I've picked up my little brother and his cousin, I was about to make a u-turn and head towards the supermarket to buy some stuff that my parents requested. At the traffic light, it was jammed and I can't make a u-turn. So at the last minute I gave a signal and went straight instead. Ok, this is when they guy comes in. 

     Here, I would not mention any specifics such as race, religion, rich, poor and so forth. People have a tendency to create a stereotype just because one person did it. And if I were to mention any race here, then people will create havoc and say stuff like racist and what not. Thus no specifics. So, I went straight. This car seems unwilling to give way and somehow got sandwich between my car and another car. It is a two lane only guys. To avoid any accidents I increase my speed and head forward. However, this car with a guy inside it, started to follow me and I thought he wants to take over so I slowed down a bit to allow him to pass. But, instead of speeding he just slowed down his speed to make sure he was at the same speed with my car. It feels odd. Then my brother and his cousin said that he was cursing at us. Maybe because we took his lane. I told my brother not to look at him because that kind of people is just not worth your time. But, he was cursing and showing us vulgar signs a few times. And those few times also I ignored them. Eventually, he turns left and I went straight. 

      The moral here is that, why would you do that? In a rational mind it is really uncalled for and totally a waste of his time. I admit it was a bit of my fault because I took a lane that was supposed for a u-turn but went straight instead. But, in my defense, there was no more space to u-turn cause it was jammed. The thing is, that guy thinks that he is a thug and I was supposed to be scared of him. I am not. If he rammed my car I would just called the police or if it was one of "those days" I would just rammed his car back. I am driving Toyota Unser and he was driving a Proton  Saga. I think I would win. If this was a scene in a movie, I would be the driver with a shotgun beside her. When a thug like this stupid guy try to mess with her, she just open the window and let all hell break loose then she rides solemnly into the sunlight. 

     

     I think on the road the most important thing is avoiding accidents and this event can transpire an accident. Just imagine if he was busy showing stupid signs at us and he didn't see a car in front, he may hit that car and create a chain reaction that could induce a massive tragedy. For me just because somebody cut you off it is not worth losing your life for. Let them pass through. Like my dad always said, "Kalinya nak ke jamban kali." Or in English, maybe he needs to go to the toilet. 

Hopes this serve as a reminder to anybody reading this, ALWAYS BE SAFE ON THE ROAD ESPECIALLY DURING THIS FESTIVE SEASON AND HAVE SOME COURTESY ON THE ROAD. AVOID ALL KINDS OF PROVOCATION INTENTIONALLY OR UNINTENTIONALLY. 

Adiosa Samosa!!!

Confession Of A Broken Hearted Girl

This photo is for illustration purposes only. Not related to the story.

Part 1.

                The blaring sound of the mixer filled every inch of the room. With every turn, the butter is beat into submission to create the perfect dough. The room felt stuffed. It was a little after 3 pm. The evening heat didn’t help matters either. Rain was our constant companion a few weeks ago but now the sun replaces them. Amidst all of this, we were baking. It was not part of the plan initially. At first, I thought me and my cousin were just going to hang out doing nothing. But somehow, a few flips of my mum dessert recipes she suggested the unthinkable; baking cupcakes.

                While waiting for the second batch to mix well, the first batch cupcakes are baking nicely in the oven. It’s starting to swell up like mushrooms after a rainy day. Do not be fooled though by the shape. Inserting the first batch into its cup was a pain to say the least. It was sticky and to make matters worse our ice cream scoop malfunction thus we have to resort to the old ways; a spoon. I have created a mess even before I managed to fill the first cup. So, trying to redeem myself, I focused my all my attention to the cup I was filling. Suddenly out of the blue, my cousin said something that rattles every understanding I have of her.

“You know, relationships are like cupcakes.”

“Ok. How so?”

“Like cupcakes they are pretty and sweet. But once you eat it, all that is left is the reminder of how sweet the cupcake is and the shitty guilty feeling knowing all the calories are going to your thighs. That is why I said relationships are like cupcakes. When you’re in one, everything is sweet and nice in the world but when it is over, all you can think of is why I dived into it in the first place.”

To you this may sound ordinary but coming from my cousin mouth it is odd. You see my cousin is not the kind who tells their girlfriend about how she feels. She is what I call a muffler. Whatever she felt she kept it to herself especially if it involved a personal matter. I still remember once we heard a rumour she was dating some guy from her office. Apparently the guy in the picture is a bad seed. In an effort to protect her we confront her to inform her of his vices. She was avoiding our question at first. After a few hours of interrogating her, she finally spill the truth only to discover that she had broken up with the guy after discovering his vices even before we found out about the both of them. She may portray a tough, cheerful and easy going exterior but she possesses a much more complex interior.

As I tried to refocus on my cupcakes, uneasiness crept into me, tugging my heart unwilling to let go. Unable to contain my curiosity, finally I ask her.

“Qis, is everything ok?”

Looking up, our eyes met. The sadness in her eyes says it all. She drops the cupcake she was holding and clenched her fist. I can sense that she wants to cry but she was holding it in unwilling to let it run free through her dark eyes. Her body started to shake and in a useless final attempt to refrain from crying, she dropped her head into her open hands and cry. Panicking, I ran to her side and started asking her what is wrong. Seeing her display of such strong emotions shocked me. I have known her for 10 years and she have never cried in front of me. The cry seems to be heavier. Her body was shaking so much that my hand were shaking as well. Unable to console her, I told her to let it all out.

“It’s ok. Just cry and let it all out. I’m here.”

Finally after a few minutes, her cry ceased. Grabbing a napkin, she started to wipe off her tears. Then, she turns around and returns to her seat. She grabs a cupcake and started to arrange it in the box. A sudden annoyance fills my heart.

“Unbelievable.”

“What is?”

“What the fuck? You just bawled your eyes out just now and now you’re pretending nothing happen?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. It was stupid of my part because I cried. I shouldn’t have.   

Sorry.”

“Oh no no. Sorry will not do. You just squirt all your tears and saliva in my kitchen and you are not coming out of my kitchen alive unless you tell me what was that all about.”

Staring straight into her eyes I can see the resentment she felt towards me. Instead of feeling annoyed I felt sorry for her. Most girls have the liberty to express their feelings freely but Qis was never that lucky. She was raised by her father. Her mother died giving birth to her. Qis’s father was an army man. He was a good father but one thing he lacks was emotional understanding. Qis was raised to be tough and a little show of emotion in public was unacceptable in her father’s eyes. Her father always said; if you fell don’t ever cry. Get back up and march ahead. I always dreaded that sentence. We were being kids and we cry often. The proof of how stern her father was came to light two years ago when her father was dying. All of us were crying and Qis was the only one that did not. Her father dying words were, “what’s the use of crying, it will not bring me back.”

Finally she succumbed to my threats. Never did I know, that evening will be the longest evening I will experienced my entire life. That evening was also the evening I learn to hate a man; a man called Adi.

*****

Brownies Number 3

Oikh!!! Oikh!!!

     This is my third post for tonight. I am on a roll baby!! Don't worry this will be the last for tonight unless if I experienced difficulty in sleeping tonight. Oh well, as the title goes this is brownies number 3. 

      The verdict? I think this tops brownies number 1. First of all, I have to credit Laura Vitale for the recipe. This past few weeks I have been trying recipes after recipes just to see which is the best and for now this recipe wins. First of all, it is moist which is important in my book. Secondly it is so chocolaty as well as fudge like. When I eat it somehow it makes me happy. Not to say I am an emotional eater but this cake alters my mood. Maybe due to the fact that it has 10 ounces of melted chocolate in it. :P. 

    I did experienced some difficulties while baking this brownies though which all are my fault. Hehehe. To mix it I use a whisk. While it is a really nice plan it is tiring. Today I use muscles in my arm that I have never even used before. Besides I double the batch so more ingredient to whisk. Lesson learnt so if I ever want to double or triple the batch I'll use a mixer. Apart from that, I use a slightly bigger tray alas I can't put it into the electrical oven I usually used. I like this oven because it cooks faster. So I have to resort to an oven that uses gas as it source of power. I think it did result in better cake but damn it was slow. 

      Despite all that, the cake turns out wonderful. Anyway if you want the recipe do reach out though cause in Laura Vitale's word its 'So Good'. Adiosa samosa!!!

p/s: To my future husband, I want a kitchen with kick ass electric and gas oven. :P

Cha Cha Cha

Oikh!!! Oikh!!!

     LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!!! MY STITCHES ARE OUT. I AM INVADING THE KITCHEN AGAIN!!! I would have taken the picture of the teeth but it would just be disgusting and inappropriate. So instead I share with you this picture. Yesterday I made bubur cha cha. This desert is one of my favourite dish only I have eaten it three times if I am not mistaken. I stumble upon this delectable dish when I was on a impromptu holiday trip to Kelantan. My friends brought me to this restaurant and they serve this desert cold. I ate it and god I was happy. Hahhahahahaha. But when I went for seconds the soup is gone. Finish. My heart was broken....

    

     Anyway I have been craving to eat this delectable desert for years after my trip but somehow I never thought of making it myself until yesterday. I discover the recipe in a recipe book my mum bought. Well, before I proceed on let me clear something up. The yellow stuff in the bowl are durians. Its my mother's bowl and she put durians in it. Yuck!!

    The green stuff comes from pandan paste, the purple is yam and there is also pumpkin; yellow but it is not in the picture. The soup comes from some sugar, santan, daun pandan, water and a bit of salt. I was so happy yesterday. This desert is best serve cold. So once it has cooled down put it in a fridge and taste it. Despite not quite having the same taste of the bubur cha cha I've tasted in Kelantan, it is still awesome. As always coconut milk always makes things better. :). Anyway hope you enjoy this. Do try it though. After this I am going on a hunt for Bubur Pulut Hitam. Somehow I have never eaten it before. Can't wait. 

Adiosa Samosa!!!

Back to School

Oikh!!! Oikh!!!

     Uik uik everybody. Tonight as per usual I am posting again. Tonight I am sharing with you some sketches that comes to my mind. It didn't turn out the way I intended. In my mind I imagine a boy being crushed by tons and tons of book and school stuff.  It didn't look quite right though, but I can say I have improve my hand and face sketching although I do need to practice its spacing and positioning. Even the hand seems out of place. But in the end, I just manage to come up with these sketches. And that reminds me as well, I need a bigger sketch book. Oh well, I'll get better next time. Just need more practice. :)

              The reason I am drawing about back to school again is right now most university students are gearing up for a new semester. As for me, I am heading back to the lion den in less than two weeks time. Even my timetable is out. Honestly after 4 months of holiday, I am still 50/50 about going back. Surprise? Well, it is not that I don't want to go back to my college at all. Trust me I love to learn. I am excited and can't wait to hit the lecture halls. However, with learning, comes test and then stress. This is the part I don't miss that much. The test is just well to put in politely not my cup of tea. Assignments I can still bear with it but test not soo much. The anticipation, the anxiety and the expectation; that is the real horror movie. 


      The semester I am enrolling is quite challenging I'd say. This semester I would participate in engineering team project. This is a project where engineering students from different field are group together to create something. In this program, what you learn for about two years will be put into use as well as showing how well you work with others. I am kind of excited for this. I have always complain that I feel a bit lost last semester as when I review back what I learn and knowing that the only time I am going to practice it is on paper really makes one depress. I want to be an engineer who knows the theories and when it comes to technical I can whip it out without a hitch. But right now, I feel like a glass half full. One of confidant says that don't think too much about it because right now the focus is to finish your studies. But somehow I am a bit worried about how I am to apply the theories I learn when I work later. Honestly due to the field being too vase, I don't know what my nature of work would be. However, at the end of the day, the utmost thing to do is to finish my studies and be prepare of what the world might throw at you.


      Despite the challenges I know I will face, I think for now I am excited and ready to face it. Although sometimes I don't realize it and I think it is never enough, I have a good support system. I have my family and love ones that are always there to hear me whining about my day and petty stuff. Right now I just need to do my part and accomplish my goals. A 4.oo GPA like somebody I look up to you. You know who you are. :). Good luck to all of you out there who are heading back to school and most importantly have fun along the way. 


Adiosa Samosa!!!!