A Girl...A Boy...

           Being a girl has its perks. One of the perks; we share everything. We tell everything to the other girl(best friend); be it our love life, our pet peeves or that jerk who just cut in front of us. For my case however, people who really know me, they would tell me their story. I rarely does so unless I can't take it anymore then out came the cat. Well, this story belongs to my cousin.          
           You see, she is in a long distance relationship. She loves him. He loves her. But like any other relationship; make that a long long courtship, this relationship has reach its steady state. It's not that they don't care anymore for one another. It's just that I dare say both of them knows that they love each other, so they will be there. But lately, my cousin felt she has been neglected. At first she tried to be understanding as the guy is busy with work and everything. However, sometimes that nagging feeling of being neglected creeps up on her. To her defense, the guy rarely calls her lately and even when she leaves him messages, there will be no response. Her mind and heart is at war right now.

   

Her brain says "be understanding, he is busy and he needs the free time to relax and chill with his friends." 

Her heart says, "why can't he spend a little time with her? She doesn't need talking all day long. 5-15 minutes a day would suffice. In a day, did he ever thought of her? Does he prefer to spend time with his friends and playing games? Then when he needs her then he'll call? or when she calls for him?"

         

          

          To add fuel to the fire, his attitude sometimes makes her questions his love. For example, sometimes when she is mad at him about something, all he has to say is "now, just go to sleep. You'll feel better when you wake up." According to her, it's like he doesn't want to be bothered by her irrational behaviour i.e. Getting mad or sulky. It's actually quite nice when a guy tries to comfort you and say nice thing to cool your anger down. But, lately he couldn't be bothered. 

         Sometimes, when she is down in the dumps and in need of some moral support (well to his defense, it is her own fault. who told her to do things at the last minute) all she get is "you should have done it earlier. No use being stress or angry now." Well, first rule of boyfriend/girlfriend. When your bf/gf is down in the dumps even if the incident that leads to being depressed is their own fault, ALWAYS ALWAYS TRY TO COMFORT THEM AND COOL THEM FIRST. When they have cool down, then only you let them know what they did wrong. When  you're down, you don't need another person to tell you its your own fault. Despite it may or may not work, the effort of comforting your gf/bf who is depressed kinda cool them down a bit. 

          All I can say is probably the guy is busy with his work and tired at those times. Deep down she knows he loves her. But, there is this nagging feeling that maybe just maybe that love is not how it used to be. This feeling sometimes lead to awkwardness when they eventually contacted each other. Mainly from the girl side. When she feels she is being rejected, she'll just shut down and shy away. Then, this will lead to awkward silence when he calls her. He'll end up playing video game and she will just shut down and pretend it did not affect her. 

         She sometimes feel that she should do the same thing to him. Don't be bothered to contact him and just see how long would it took for him to call her. That is like giving up, which she did not dare to do cause all I know is, deep down she would be devastated and crush if things fall apart between the both of them. In her words, it would be like a lonely girl losing her one and only best friend. Only time would tell how this story will progress. Hopefully it would lead to a happy ending. 

I believe this picture says it all.......

Especially For You

          Every one of us have battles that either lies within us or externally. Man I think are build that way. That is what makes us human in the first place. Besides how monotonous it would be if we just have highs all the time. 24/7 in hyper mode...For example, let's take today. My friend invited me to go for a swim. At 2 I decided to take a short nap and amazingly I wake up at 3pm. But I kind of feel lazy to move so I stay in bed for 30 minutes. At that moment I am ready to be my lazy self and just fall back to sleep. Suddenly my friend text me. I end up going for a swim actually and I really glad I did. I didn't know how to swim but now I can float and move a bit. However, some people have a more pressing battle/dilemma at hand. For example regarding their studies.....


           Honestly, I am not really a believer of words of encouragement from external sources. All my life I believe if you work hard, you'll get what you want or close to your goal. So far, I've never asked for encouragement from others and if I am in the dumps I just keep it to myself. It doesn't work that much that is. But, when I met you, having you close makes things easier. You encourage me and believe in me. It makes me believe I can do it. Not that I am retracting my opinion earlier. Its just that, in this case, your word of encouragement makes me start to work for my goal. Then all the way to the end, its me and Allah. But knowing deep down you're there for me is quite an incentive. 


            I am not good with encouragement. Sometimes I feel that my voice annoys people. It gets to me sometimes but you'll learn to move away from those people. So I choose to dedicate a post for you. 


            I know this is a challenging semester for you. And I kept on bragging that "oo, I've been doing it for four years now. 18 credit hours. Nothing much." Truth be told it is challenging. Along the road I've fail and get depressed and lose my direction. But trust me, you'll fair better than me. I've seen you at work and at your best. When you set your mind at something, you work for it. This is the last mile and the most challenging one. With Allah blessing, you'll even pass with flying colours. I also want to apologize because it is unfair for me to compare myself to you. My semesters are shorter than yours. Thus my syllabus are adjusted to fit into the time slot. Some topics are left out and all of that. 

ALL I CAN SAY IS, YOU CAN DO IT. I BELIEVE IN YOU NOT  ONLY BECAUSE YOU'RE SPECIAL TO ME BUT BECAUSE I'VE SEEN YOUR ABILITY AND YOUR POTENTIAL. YOU CAN DO IT AWAK. THIS IS NOT MUCH BUT I HOPE IT HELPED YOU THIS SEMESTER EVEN THAT HELP IS AS SMALL AS A NEEDLE HOLE. KEEP FOCUS AND MARCH HEAD ON.......

i post it here because we hardly talk lately...

both are busy...

hope can talk to you soon...

you are my superboy...3rd after my dad and mum...:P

all the best and HWAITING!!!!

IMAGINATION IS FUN!!!!

Something crossed my mind while I was scanning through my vibrations notes. I got a quiz tomorrow but with a runny nose and a weather so hot your cheeks are burning, an imaginative mind tends to wander....
                        When we were little kids, we were always asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" For myself, I still remember answering I want to be a teacher. Well that's that. Just a few minutes ago, I was squeezing every neurons I got to understand what the heck is equivalent stiffness. I think the reason I want to be a teacher before was because that is the only profession I know. Yes, my mum is a nurse but surprisingly from an early age I don't want to be a nurse or a doctor.
                       But again, this question I never really stop thinking about it. True to human nature, when we have something, it is never enough. We want more. Truth be told, from my point of view, sometimes I am unhappy with my life. Not that I am depressed or anything. It's just that there are aspects of my life I wished was better. Don't we all. From this feeling of inadequacy I started to imagine what would it be like if I were to live as a different version of myself...Some of these versions are.....

1. I am a super spy... I know I know...For people who knows me this is a little bit far fetched. But hey that is what imagination are for. As a super spy, I have agility, speed and strength. I am also cunning, cold and complicated deep inside. I have a lot of admirers (professionally) due to my skills and notoriety. I live alone and I have a dark past which cause me to be who I am. My inspiration is mostly derived from the character of Black Widow...AWEHHSOMMEEE!!!!

2. I am a part of 5 person team of con artists...This is a homage to the show LEVERAGE....Damn the show is good...In that show the characters are the mastermind, grifter, thief, hitter and hacker..Out of this five, the character I would really love to be is the hitter and the thief...The hitter because well Eliot's fight scenes are to die for in the series and the thief cause well the thief in the series...PARKER!!!! have these sets of traits that are really awesome like flexibility, swiftness and so on....

3. I am a respected and highly recommended engineer. Well, this is what I am striving to be. Not that far from my current goals. This version is more to me imagining how my whole life would be if I were to be one. that includes, single at 40, got lots of money and connection, moderate size house; well I live alone, and having a big house would be just darn scary...rarely at home cause I travel all the time..and all my sister and brothers are married...excluding me...I think I can live with that...I'll bought a cat...:)

4.I am a commoner turn princess...Okay, this is just for imagination and fun sake...Tell me which girl do not one to be a princess?? Every girl since the day they were born it was seared in their heads that you are a princess...As they grow up their fantasy of a princess evolved...some like girly princess like cinderella and stuff; some like a princess with a little bit more edge...they found a prince went head to head with him cause she is not the kind of princess that wait to be rescued and all those stuff...Besides, as my defense I was thinking of writing a short story and using the princess as a theme but I never got to it though...Don't know why....:P   In this version, I was two princess...

a) I married a Filipino Prince...I know there are no such stuff but this was induced when I become fan girl of a Filipino actor...Dieter Ocampo...I imagine he was the prince...We met while he worked at an oil rig with me...(I am an engineer originally before I met him)...I didn't know he was a prince...but we strike up a relationship anyway...When I know his real identity, I feel betrayed and all those stuff...But in the end we got married. But he died young(10 years after our marriage;assassinated by left wings) and I was left to steer the country to stability. We have two kids a girl and a boy and in the end I become the beloved ruler of that country....

b) I am a disgraced Chinese princess who were married to a prince at a young age then exiled when my father was accused of initiating a coup. After a few years I enter my teen hood and I met again with the prince and our love reconnects. I imagined this story while I realize how cute Wong Lee Hom is...:P and of course Wong Lee Hom is the prince..:P

*DELUSIONAL MUCH*

5. I am a soldier...Well I imagined what would be like if I were a soldier. At one point I imagined my self to be a soldier in an elite team like the navy seals...I even imagined that my rank is a commando...The truth is I admired soldier and respected them. They live by a code and are ready to sacrifice everything for their country. Not many people can do what they do. I can't do it.. I am easily conflicted with guilt when it comes to certain things and I am a bit of a free bird...I don't really like to be told what to do...so authority may pose some problem for me...Not to mention I sucked at shooting...tried paintball once...It was disastrous...

So far, these are the versions of myself I imagine. Some of it are delusional and some well, if some of my actions were different before it may happen it may not...Whatever it is...These versions are just for fun..I like to imagine and be creative and think WHAT IF??? before I went to bed...Its one way to relax your mind and practice your imagination....:)
at the end of the day....I will be whoever I decide to be...:)

*IMAGINATION IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN KNOWLEDGE*

-ALBERT EINSTEIN-

im annoying, ur annoying...fair game...

               AAAA....the beauty of coupling...or the beginning of it at least...i just came back from an outing with bunch of my friends...just a normal outing...go to some place...eat eat eat...roam around...eat eat eat again....watch movies...then eat eat eat again...then head back for campus...

              You may wonder why out of a sudden I begin with the word coupling??? Well, in that bunch of friends, we have a blossoming couple. Both liked each other but I think, the guy haven't said anything yet and the girl well is waiting for that confession and is torn between wanting to be with him or not. They are moving in the right direction. They are comfortable with each other which is important. There are some things they did though which for outsiders looking in creates a gag inducing reflex. However, from my point of view..all I can think of is...damn...that's how nauseating I was before???

*face palm* 

              At the first stage when you like somebody, your body is filled with love hormones. You see all the good things in that person. Your time is occupied with spending some quality time with that person. All you can think of is that one person (how annoying...:P)...I think this is the carnal joy of being in a relationship. The first stage is the sparks and fireworks phase. This stage is fun but tiring at the same time...Even seeing pictures taken during this stage makes you happy. It serves as a reminder of the anxiety and excitement you felt. You were about to embark on an experience that you have never experienced before. Well that was years ago...

               Let's fast forward to the present stage shall we...this present stage is a stage I like to call the "old married couple" phase. In this phase, you have been in the relationship for quite some time....long time....you still love and care for each other..you know that yourself but you are too lazy to show it..the relationship just follows the flow...when one side try to create an atmosphere of lovey dovey the other side just doesn't reciprocate and just ignores it..various factor may influence this stage...for example long distance, too busy and many more...This phase sometimes can be dangerous as a little crack in the relationship may destroy it...why?? they just give up the fight for each other...

              Oh well, whatever...both phase has its own pros and cons...which phase you like is definitely up to you...there are more phases actually but I am too lazy to elaborate all..all i feel like doing right now is snuggle up under my blanket and just finish my sherlock holmes volume 1 series story book. 

Who cares...Tonight I am own my own..No disturbance..I don't bother you and you don't bother me.

Adiosa Samosa

INTERNSHIP..."SIGH"

          It has been a while since my last post. The last time I posted something on this blog, I was busy with my finals and screaming "ITS HOLIDAY!!!I'M FREE!!!". Now I am in the middle leg of my third year. I am less busy this semester, I think...although I am busy preparing for my internship. When I say busy here it means busy worrying and getting anxious out of my guts. 
         
          So far, I have completed my studies two and a half years out of my four years requirement. In October I will be heading for my internship. Remember when you first enter your university, you feel like you could conquer the world?? Well, here I am, about to step into the real world in a few months, I am scared out of my guts. Reason? Simple, I AM NOT READY. In my first year, I was determined to prove to others and myself that I am not a sore loser. When I enter my 2nd year, I got a bit lost. Lost and stress and just plain miserable. It reflected on my results. 


           Now in my third year, I still feel slightly lost. The one big question I still do not know the answer till now is "WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?" Yes, I can answer I am an engineering student. I am going to be an engineer. But when somebody ask me what is it that I want to do, my mind race to find the answer but I can't really pick point what I want. Yes I have interests. However, these interests are general. 


           I am no genius. Even for geniuses engineering is a demanding field. All my life I have learned, now I must apply. That is the second problem. CAN I APPLY WHAT I KNOW WHEN THE TIME DEMANDS IT??? Lately I noticed how much I settled. I give up easily and do what is necessary instead of giving extra effort. I ALWAYS GIVE EXTRA EFFORT. It is sad really because I know I can do better than what I have outputting for this one year and a half. 


           Now also I have the issue of confidence. WHY I SHRUNK WHEN I NEED TO BE CONFIDENT???? I am actually an introverted person who is shy deep down. Years I have trained myself to get out of that shell and just make a mark on this world. Somehow I manage to do so. But now the more situation demands me to take action and be vocal, I shut down. I don't feel the need to fight to get what I need. Most of the time I just let go and ride the flow. Now when I do fight for something, its something not worth fighting for...

I KNOW WHAT MY PROBLEMS ARE. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BREAK OUT OF IT. MY PROBLEM HAS BECOME MY HABIT AND ITS HARD TO BREAK OFF OF IT. IF YOU ARE IN MY POSITION, WHAT WOULD YOU DO????

Finally It Is OVER!!!

Oikh!!! Oikh!!!

How long have it been since my last post? Suffice to say it has been quite a while since I filled the internet with my rant. Oh well, here are some quick updates...

1. My ETP is over. I did not enter SEDEX...Thank god...If I was selected, I'll be crying myself to sleep every night.
2. I almost got barred from a subject due to inconsistent lecture attendance.
3. I still have a lot of work.
4. I'm hooked on The Big Bang Theory.
5. I'm getting chubbier.
6. I want to go out and watch a movie.
7. I want to eat sushi.
8. I am into this song for now....enjoy...:)

credit to YouTube and Wiz Khalifa

Don't Worry...This is a short post...:P

Oikh!!! Oikh!!!

Hey everybody...its been a while since my last post. Well as the picture suggest, I AM SWAMPED. Something interesting happened tonight. I just got the big picture of how busy I am going to be this semester. There will be 14 weeks for this semester and week 5 had just passed. WOW! I've basically WASTE 5 WEEKS doing mostly nothing and getting emotional. HAHAHA...the 4 months holiday surely made me crave for some stress and school work but definitely did not prepare me for the workload to come....

Right now I am feeling a little bit insecure and daunted. But oh well, when you are backed up at a corner all you can do is FIGHT TILL YOU GET OUT OF THE CORNER. So, that is what I am planning and going to do. Now I need is a BOYFRIEND name WILLPOWER to keep me energize and going. 

Anyway it is 1: 34 as of me typing the time in. SERIOUSLY, WHILE I WAS TYPING I HONESTLY FEEL THAT THE PICTURE WAS MOVING LIKE SOME KIND OF OPTICAL ILLUSION. So, that's my Q to sleep ladies and gentleman. Good night and pleasant dream everybody!!!

ADIOSA SAMOSA!!!!