So far, I have completed my studies two and a half years out of my four years requirement. In October I will be heading for my internship. Remember when you first enter your university, you feel like you could conquer the world?? Well, here I am, about to step into the real world in a few months, I am scared out of my guts. Reason? Simple, I AM NOT READY. In my first year, I was determined to prove to others and myself that I am not a sore loser. When I enter my 2nd year, I got a bit lost. Lost and stress and just plain miserable. It reflected on my results.
Now in my third year, I still feel slightly lost. The one big question I still do not know the answer till now is "WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?" Yes, I can answer I am an engineering student. I am going to be an engineer. But when somebody ask me what is it that I want to do, my mind race to find the answer but I can't really pick point what I want. Yes I have interests. However, these interests are general.
I am no genius. Even for geniuses engineering is a demanding field. All my life I have learned, now I must apply. That is the second problem. CAN I APPLY WHAT I KNOW WHEN THE TIME DEMANDS IT??? Lately I noticed how much I settled. I give up easily and do what is necessary instead of giving extra effort. I ALWAYS GIVE EXTRA EFFORT. It is sad really because I know I can do better than what I have outputting for this one year and a half.
Now also I have the issue of confidence. WHY I SHRUNK WHEN I NEED TO BE CONFIDENT???? I am actually an introverted person who is shy deep down. Years I have trained myself to get out of that shell and just make a mark on this world. Somehow I manage to do so. But now the more situation demands me to take action and be vocal, I shut down. I don't feel the need to fight to get what I need. Most of the time I just let go and ride the flow. Now when I do fight for something, its something not worth fighting for...
I KNOW WHAT MY PROBLEMS ARE. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BREAK OUT OF IT. MY PROBLEM HAS BECOME MY HABIT AND ITS HARD TO BREAK OFF OF IT. IF YOU ARE IN MY POSITION, WHAT WOULD YOU DO????
